Phyllisgreen's Journal, 02 Oct 13

Hi Phyllis. I'm sorry to hear about your lack of support from your husband. Have you had a heart-to-heart talk with him about important it is to you that he support your healthy eating lifestyle? Have you discussed any "safe" or alternate dining out options where you can order something healthy and he can order something indulgent for himself? I have a similar problem at home. My husband brings home unhealthy stuff all the time -- like chips, Costco muffins and frozen Marie Callender's chicken pot pies -- for himself and our 2 tween/teen kids. So far I've been so determined to eat healthfully that I haven't been tempted to eat these things. But I know the time will come when I will be weak and it will tempt me and I will have to say something. But what bothers me now is that he and my kids are eating this unhealthy stuff. I don't want them to be unhealthy either. My hubby is also very overweight, which makes this a sensitive subject for him, too. I just keep trying to lead by example and cook delicious healthy recipes. He's catching on a little, like packing some healthier options in his lunch, but he's having a hard time parting with comfort foods as I mentioned above. Sorry, to get back to you...If he loves you and treasures your health, he should support you. But you have to speak up for yourself and make sure he knows what you want/need from him to help you through this. Hopefully he will wake up and realize his love and support are a big factor in your success rate. Often my family eats pizza, and I count my calories and see if I can afford 1 or 2 slices. I try to get veggie toppings if possible or salad on the side, and drink water whenever possible rather than diet soda. 

Oh Phyllis, you don't have to get down on yourself!! Never never never beat yourself up when you feel like you were set up and give in to a craving!! That is just the point!! You were sabotaged. Plain and simple!! Yes, you made the choice to eat that pudding, Ok...now there is no need to be down. When you steadfastly limit what you have available to eat, most of the time it ends in failure. I have no limits on what I can or cannot eat. I do limit my intake of starchy carbs, like potatoes and bread and pasta., I eat more fresh vegetables, fish and chicken and yes I eat lots of beef!!! My doctor put me on a 2300 calorie diet, and I just can't eat that much!! I limit my carbs, because thats what triggers my eating. Now thats me, you have to figure out what triggers yours. As for the hubby, I'm afraid I would have had some words for him if mine did that to me!! Let them know in no uncertain terms, that you need to lose this weight, for your well being as well as theirs! An I would be kicking someone where they sit if I was gone and came home to a mess!! I'm glad you are taking time for you!! That is important. If you need some more hints or support, give me a yell!! I'll help as much as I can!!!  

I just read this inspirational blog on Sparkpeople about setbacks. It's really good: How to Keep from Starting Over Consider all the setbacks part of one journey. Then, when you encounter them, you don't see them as an end or a failure, just a rough patch. Remember that what matters is that you keep going, no matter how many times you've faltered, fallen down, gained some weight back, gained it all back, etc. We've all done those things. We've all had those moments and months. That's life. Just keep going. It helps me to look for what I can learn from the setbacks and stumbling points. What was going on for me that I fell down, and what can I adjust to take better care of myself? Planning is a good tool to prevent setbacks. So is compassion for yourself. Be kind to yourself when you have a slip. See it as part of a total picture of progress, rather than a failure. Don't throw out a dozen eggs because you drop one on the floor, if you follow me. Just clean up the mess as best you can, and continue cooking. Fall down 100 times, get up 101 and you're a success.  

Your both right, I need to be kind to myself and that is what I am going to do starting right now~ I can dwell on the last two days of insensitive people or I can forget and move on. I chose ME~ I needed some good words to see this through and I thank you both. I wish I did not not have to leave for work because a nice long, calorie burning bike ride sounds wonderful to me. Tomorrow is another day~ but the rest of today/night will be spent right.  

Oh sweetie. I wish you would have called me when hubby and parents were working to sabotage you! I feel bad because I turned to you when I wanted to eat candy and you told me it would taste like ASS! I still laugh out loud and I shared your text with my hubby and daughter and I had tears rolling down my cheeks as I read your text to them. Now, what you MUST understand about hubby and M&D is that first, they love you, but they are and we're trying to sabotage your success. Second, as you lose weight and become a stronger person, they become threatened. In their hearts, they want you to be successful, they are just afraid of who you will become as you gain even more success. M shows her love through food, right? Why did she even make banana pudding (which didn't taste as good as your ass looks!). Did she think that she was rewarding you for your hard work? Probably because she really doesn't know any other way to show you that she really is proud of you - she just doesn't know any better. H is probably feeling scared that you are dropping pounds, getting skinny, people are making comments, etc. and he feels threatened that you will gain lots of confidence and what if you find someone else? So, in my opinion, and knowing M&D and H, what you need to do is "train" them. Teach them just like you would a child. Teach M that when she wants to honor you or show you how proud she is, that food is not how you want her to do that. I nice walk, talk, sit and have a glass of iced tea, whatever you prefer but food will no longer be acceptable. H just needs some reassurance. He needs to know that you are getting healthy for you AND him. That you want to be able to keep up with him next year and in five years and ten years, etc. and if that doesn't work, you just let me know and I will have a talk with him!! Got your back sis! Now, for you. Stop beating yourself up! I mean it - stop right now. You are amazing. You have done great things for yourself these past few weeks and months and nothing can take that away from you. Not M&D and not H. Not even a big bowl of banana pudding - nothing. Hear me, nothing. One bowl of banana pudding did not make you overweight and it will not knock you off your road to success. You have acknowledged it, owned it and put it in the past. It's done. Take a deep breath, say "I am worth it" and live your life! Sending good vibes and skinny thoughts your way. Love you and miss you. Your personal Michigan support group. 

Thanks Donna, I love you~ I hate to whine. Mom, Dad and Bill just have this thing about food. It makes their world go around. It is a constant battle to keep telling them "I want to be successful. Eat what you want but leave me alone to my choices." I have gained control~it just gets so frustrating sometimes. None of them say to much about what I am doing or accomplishing but they are eager to push food at me. Bill was working on Dads car all day and banana pudding is his favorite, so Mom made it for him. If they had stuck to their business and not pushed me so hard (again) I would of been fine. But I had been fighting their stupidity for 2 days. Plus Mom is the first to complain about peeps eating things in front of her with her Diabetes. They all were being selfish. By the way, my first thought was to put that cup cake in Bill's face, but we were in a public place so I smashed it all over his desert he had put on a plate for himself, as I cussed him out for his stupidity. I won't let them do it again~that is for sure. I have some great ideas to do/say if they put me in that situation again. : )  

I'm going to borrow your advice, dmstewy, and from now on whenever I want to eat something I shouldn't, I'm going to tell myself it will taste like ASS. Ha ha! I just hope it will work. :) 

It will! And if it doesn't it will make you laugh so far you will choke and have to spit the nasty food out! 

It will! And if it doesn't it will make you laugh so far you will choke and have to spit the nasty food out!