katrinat's Journal, 15 Jun 08

Hi everyone!! I'm baaackk! Got home earlier this afternoon from GS camp with my daughter. Had a good time-- although I did break down a few times, I was able to take my mind of what is going on for a lot of the time, until this morning knowing that I was coming home to it :( Got close to home and called the other kids to let them know I was almost here and found them both crying because their dad had just left-- he wasn't even going to stay to see his other daughter! So I called him and told him we were almost there and he did end up spending a little time with them (he took our son for the weekend). I feel like he should have taken them all and spent the day with them, but that's just another thing I don't have control over. I did actually see him and hugged him and cried, but then I came in the house and found that anything personal he had not previously taken with him is now gone, so basically he is done, at least for now. He says he would like to talk tomorrow after work, but..... I am a lot less weepy tonight than recently, and am planning to schedule a dr visit tomorrow to see if I need some medication to help me through this as I am not sleeping well, or taking care of myself, or focusing at work. I also have another counselor meeting tomorrow, as well as my weigh in. I am getting together with a friend tonight, as well, so hopefully I can start pulling out of this. I feel like I need to make it final at this point so that I can get on. As he has already taken off his wedding ring, I feel like it's finalized in his mind. I will continue to work on myself and find ME! AND I will look better than ever while I'm doing it!!

Thank you all so much for your support and encouragement! I'm so glad to have my cyber friends, and look forward to any chance to meet any of you!!

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Comments 
I wish I could reach out and give you a hug right now because that's the best way I know how to deal with how you're feeling. I'm sorry you have to go through this but you sound like a strong person and you still have so much going for you. I'm glad you are still determined to look after yourself and keep on your plan. That will certainly help keep your spirits up. I wish I could do or say more. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care. 
15 Jun 08 by member: evelyn64
Awe... I'm so sorry for all of your hurt! =S I'm glad that he spent some time with the kids, they needed that. You'll be one hot smokin' mamma and look out! :) Too bad you have to work next sat... we're planning a girls camping trip for the night.. would love if you could join us... just out of Morton. We'll be leaving here early SAt am and coming back the next day. Let me know if you think you might be able to meet up with us! ;) It'll be alright... know it! :) xoxo 
15 Jun 08 by member: bullytrouble
I'm glad to hear that you're going to continue to take care of your needs. It's so easy to just throw in the towel, but that gives away all your power. You will survive this, and come out better than ever. 
15 Jun 08 by member: babyweightbegone
Take care of yourself and your kids and hang in there dear. 
15 Jun 08 by member: mbhpro
Hugsss.... YOU just look after yourself missus.. and if you really do that, and do it well... you will feel so empowered with will in turn lead to more good thngs.. prayers and wishes are with you.. 
16 Jun 08 by member: dave22
We're so sorry sweetie for you and your kids to have to go through this pain. I just prayed for you and the kids to have comfort and strength and to feel loved and encouraged today. Don't feel like you have to have it all together right away either. You were together for 17 years (I think that's what you said) and you need to have time to grieve and go through the emotions you have. It sounds like you are being as strong as you can right now, so let yourself heal and still take care of you so you can heal and feel strong. 
16 Jun 08 by member: livelifefully
You have a lot of support to count on, here, and with your friends and colleagues. You will get through this, Hon. And you will come out of it stronger. He may actually wake up and see what he's trading in one of these days and try to come back--it happens a lot. But you might not even want him back by then. He has done tremendous damage to his children and you, and most likely for a fling. That cell phone thing was clearly trying to cover his tracks. Why would he do that if he didn't want to leave the gate open? Very selfish man. I'm praying for you every day, Kat. You will survive this. So glad you had some fun time with your daughter. More outings will be very helpful to you and the kids. 
16 Jun 08 by member: Girl_Illa
Hey Kat, been thinking of you. Glad to hear that you had a good weekend with your daughter. As you know, my parents are going through these same issues right now after 43 years, and I went through the same ones when I went through a divorce after being with the same man for 15 years. I remember driving to work one day, in a total funk, and being so mad at myself for not being able to "just snap out of it". Cut yourself some slack girl….you have been with him for 17 years! That’s a long time for any kind of a relationship, and no matter how it turns out, there is a grieving process that your body needs to go through. I also remember another time when I was dating this guy….and he ended up leaving me…I remember the hurt…and I just wanted him back so badly because he had left me (was completely unexpected), and was just in limbo waiting and waiting to see what he would decide to do…and a friend said to me "I know you're waiting for what he wants to do, but you really need to figure out what YOU want, because this is not his decision alone". I took what she said, and realized you know what…she was absolutely right (even though its NOT what I wanted to hear at the time). It had to have been hard seeing the other personal belongings gone, and his ring off his finger. I hope your talk with him tonight after work has some answers for you so you at least have some direction to work towards. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you will survive this, and you will be stronger because of this. You are an amazingly positive person, beautiful, and have a gorgeous family.  
16 Jun 08 by member: Cheeks

     
 

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