|
So its been awhile. lots going on. I am back up 10 pounds but i am trying to get back on track. I will be moving in November, so a little stress over that. Plus tooth number 31 was pulled 2 weeks ago, followed by infection and i just finished the antibiotics and trying to get back in the groove. lived off o Tylenol for over a month. I was scared i was going to become addicted but i think i am okay now.
Now i am still liking LDC and when i think i am okay and i don't care if he likes me or not... then i get really strong feelings again. So messed up. Why is it that i like folks that don't like me. Is there anybody for me at all. Sometimes i just want a friend. Someone that wants to stay on the phone with me all-night talking about nothing.
I don't even know him like that but i miss him. Is that weird. I long for his company. Just to hear him talk and smile.
Well I know that if someone is going to like you they should like you no matter how you look. they are either attracted to you or not. However, if i can just lose 30 pounds and if he doesn't look at me then okay. I can accept the fact that he is just not interested. If he does come around ... well i will deal with that then.
Who ever he may be if there is someone for me ... i want to look good for them and i want to be in the best health possible regardless. I just get so discouraged. But i am going to pick myself up and keep on going.
He so sweet and cute, he has no idea how special he is too me. All the ways i want to make sure he is happy. No idea, well accept when he speaks to me and i become speechless. Sometimes i can talk to him somewhat normal and it its so nice. Then sometimes i get so shy, my mouth opens and nothing comes out. LOL lord help me.
I had to write this to get it off of me. I left my journal at home. Just need to put this out there. So I am at 240 right now. I want to get down 199 and see how it goes. So tomorrow is a new day.
So much going on and I am trying to keep things calm. I don't want to get stressed and sick.
Man i am crazy about him. I really don't think i am in love, i just am really crazy about him. like really crazy.
I really hate myself. i will be 50 Nov. 2. I did not achieve my 50 bl goal. I went from 269 to 240 well it was 230 but for the last 3 weeks.
29 pounds i guess that halfway good. maybe i can get 10 down by nov. 2.
|